Chapter One...Loose Ends Installment #2

INSTALLMENT #2
Kevin:
Kevin Jackson traced a raindrop down the inside of the
window pane with a well manicured fingernail. It had been a
rough day at work and he was homesick. He had left
Massachusetts 5 months earlier to follow a dream to San
Francisco and now he wondered if he had thought the whole
thing completely through. Boston had been home for two years
and he had a lot of friends there. San Francisco was proving to be
harder than it should be. Of course before Boston, it had been
Dallas and before that Denver, followed by Kansas City. It was
not that he was a drifter, it was just that his jobs became boring
after a time and a change of scenery was in order. But San
Francisco should have been better. They had the largest gay
population and programs and doctors to help him manage his
HIV/AIDS, so why was he unhappy now? Work was great and
the staff he worked with in Alameda County was a bunch of
caring people. The program was one he had wanted to oversee
and was a challenge which helped bolster his resume in case he
ever decided to move to another hospital.
Then there was that little problem of home ownership. In
Boston he had rented but he still had $150,000 in his escrow
account from the sale of his home in Dallas. But this was
California and that kind of money would not even make a good
down payment on a home of any kind. So he contented himself
with an apartment on the second floor of a complex 45 minutes
from the hospital where he worked. The view was of the next row
of apartments, but there was the little courtyard so it was not that
bad. Usually any extra time would be spent on the trail running.
Kevin liked to do at least 3 miles every day and the weekends
were good for 7-10, but not in the rain. Rain was good for
9
keeping him inside and being inside was depressing. It made him
think too much. Like now.
His mind drifted back to Montana and a very lonely
childhood. Mom tried, but mom did not understand the teenage
boy struggling with his sexuality. Then along came Tommy. Tom
was great, but by then he knew and there was no reason to talk it
over with anyone. He was a freak who liked boys. Talk was
cheap. Just how to keep mom from finding out now.
He remembered the move to Colorado. He tried to fit in at
the high school, but found no acceptance until he joined the
Drama Club. They were his kind of friends. Eric and he really
hit it off. He remembered the night of the Senior prom. He and
Eric both had dates and after the dance they took them home.
Then he and Eric had gone to the Nature Center to walk along
the river. That was his first experience with a person, male or
female and it was not an easy memory to recall. They were both
new at this, but they knew what they wanted. So long ago and far
away. Now there were only fond memories of Eric and there
would never be any more made. Eric had died in 1997 while
Kevin was away at College.
No one had told him. No one had told him how Eric
suffered with the Pneumonia that is common in AIDS cases. He
learned from his mom on Christmas break that Eric had died of
cancer or some such thing.
“Did you know him well, honey?”
“No, mom, not real well.”
Only as well as I knew myself and loved him with every
fiber of my being, because he was just like me. But those were
thoughts best kept to himself. Or they were until he had gone in
for regular testing a year later and learned that love was not the
only thing he shared with Eric. He left the trail of the rain drop
down the window and reached up to trace the tracks of his own
tears. Today was not a good day. Would there ever be another
good day in his life? Oh, Eric!

Chapter One...Loose Ends

Chapter One...Loose Ends

INSTALLMENT #1
*Meg
Meg Parker stood very still in the gathering dusk as she
watched the sun slowly slip below the western rim of the
Rocky Mountains. This little farm in the foothills had been very
good to her. True it was lonely, but not really. Since Tommy
had been killed in the avalanche three years ago, she had made
new friends and kept the old ones. The acre here in "next to
paradise" gave her security and enough to support her volunteer
causes. What had begun as a hobby of a few chickens for eggs
had grown into a chicken farm that put money in her pocket.
Lot of dirty work, but she liked work.
Hard work and perseverance by both her and Tommy
had actually been a blessing in disguise. Tommy had been an
over the road trucker all of his life. When they had met in a
truck stop in Montana back in 1990 it was the end of the road
for both of them. Kevin was just 14 and almost past the need for
a daddy, but he and Tommy had hit it off as buddies. Since
Kevin had never known his father it seemed an ideal
arrangement.
Meg sighed as she remembered the man she knew only
as John Horner. She had been working in a cafe in Selda,
Kansas at the time. Selda was her home and the only one she
knew until John came along. She had graduated and gone to
work at the Steak Shop instead of going to college as her
parents had hoped. Waiting tables paid good in tips and while
there were no benefits, there was a lot to be said for the social
contacts and meals were free. She never tired of the banter with
the customers and sometimes even accepted a date with one of
the fellows. She had just celebrated her 19th birthday when
John Horner walked into her life and turned it completely
upside down.
Meg knew when the door opened and the tall stranger
walked in that he was different from the local boys. And she
was right! He was over 6 foot tall and walked with an air
about him that made everyone's eyes follow him across the
room and to the counter. He knew who he was and he knew
what he wanted. Tonight he wanted food. As Meg handed
him the menu their fingers touched briefly and their eyes
met. As she stared into his brown eyes she felt a jolt to the
bottom of her soul. This was fate as surely as fate had ever
walked, and it had just walked into her life.
The next two days were spent in an agitated state as she
waited for him to enter the Steak Shop again. And then, there
he was. He gave her a fleeting smile as he settled at the
counter. But tonight she had the dining room and Greta had the
counter. Greta was married with kids at home and the stranger
held no interest for her, but Meg could not help but admire him
as he chatted with a couple at the counter and with the cook
who was running the Charcoal that night. After an agonizing
period of time he paid his bill and left without a backward
glance. Meg was crushed. Then Greta handed her a napkin.
"Your sweetie pie left you this. Quite taken with you, I
think. Asked a million questions, but you better watch him.
Guys like that leave girls like us crying in the dust." Then she
laughed and began wiping the counter.
Meg stared at the note in her hand. "Tomorrow-7:30.
Ted's Roadhouse. Drinks and a dance." There was nowhere to
check yes or no. No telephone to call and say "Sorry, can't make
it." Presumptuous bastard! Then she smiled softly to herself. No
reason not to go. She was off the next two nights and this man
gave her an itch she could not scratch. She would go, just out of
idle curiosity was all. Just find out who this guy was.
And find out she did! John was a pipe fitter working on
the construction at the new hospital on the east side of town. He
was from Nebraska; twenty-six years old and still lived at home
with mom and dad on the farm. He had a wonderful sense of
humor and as he guided her to the dance floor and took her in his
arms she knew that life as she knew it was over. And the last
thing that went through her mind as she drifted off to sleep in his
bed at the Motel 6 that night was an old adage she had heard
years ago…”Eyes of blue; a love that’s true. Eyes of brown will
let you down.” But tonight was not a night for adages, it was a
night for new beginnings.
Meg began to dread the day the hospital would be done
as she knew John would leave; probably. Days were spent in
work and nights were spent in his arms. They laughed, they
loved and talked of future plans. It seemed they lived in an
idyllic world and were not touched by the mundane. He talked
little about his life in Nebraska and not at all about his plans
when the job here was done.
Two months and she was late on her period. She
wondered briefly what John would say, but instinctively knew he
would be happy. They could start their lives together. As she
walked across the hotel lobby to pick up the room key a
headline caught her eye. She stopped to study the front page.
HOSPITAL NEARS COMPLETION.
Well, there it was. Things were nearing completion and
her and John could make some decisions. She reached the desk
and smiled at the clerk. Nebraska might be a welcome change
from the humidity of Kansas.
“Room 609, please.”
The clerk looked at her kn er knowingly. “Sorry, Meg, he
checked out this morning. He is gone.”
“No! He is not.”
“Here. See for yourself.” The clerk smirked as he handed
her the key.
Meg took the key which suddenly felt very big and very
cold and started the ascent in the elevator. At room 609 she
placed the key in the lock and turned it to the right. The door
swung open into a big, cold, empty room. It smelled of Lysol
and Tropical Flowers, but not of John Horner. There was
nothing personal anywhere. No sign that John had ever been
there. No warmth or laughter or anything that would show how
much happiness she had known.
On feet of lead she approached the desk for the second
time and handed the key to the clerk, Brian, she recalled
suddenly.
“When did he check out?”
“Right after you left this morning. Hell bent on putting
this town behind him, it seemed.”
“Did he leave a forwarding address?” She suddenly
remembered all the things they had not discussed. “Where do
you send the final bill?”
“Paid cash, Meg. His business here is done.” Brian
smiled ruefully. “Sorry, I
know you really had the hots for him, but maybe now somebody
else will have a chance.” He winked playfully and Meg suddenly
felt a sob welling up in her throat and
turned and ran from the Motel 6 and into the bright sun outside.
Meg wiped a tear from her eye as she noticed it was
dark now and the sun was only a bit or rose color on the far
horizon. She had hoped against hope that John would come
back, but he hadn’t. When she had inquired at the construction
company about him, they had never heard of John Horner. Was
she insane? Maybe, but the child growing inside of her was not
a figment of her imagination. So she had taken her meager
saving and moved to Montana to at least spare her mom and
dad the humiliation of her transgressions. Kevin Lee Jackson
was born in the county hospital and his bill was paid by the
state of Montana. A welfare baby. But her baby.
And it was all water under the bridge because now she
was a widow in Colorado and Kevin was a computer
programmer and system analyst in San Francisco. And he was
gay and he was HIV positive. He had his life and she had hers.
She had Tommy’s ashes on the nightstand by her bed and a very
long road to travel before she could ever reach the prize
whatever it might be.
As Meg turned toward the house she once more heard a
country western song play through her mind, “Brown Eyed
Handsome Man“ She rarely thought of John Horner and the
eyes of brown that let her down and she would not think of him
tonight. Tonight she would remember her Tommy. Tommy, 5’9”
and eyes of sky blue. Tommy with his laughter and honesty and
kindness and love that had brought her from the footloose girl in
Montana to the settled, secure, kind, caring, compassionate,
giving woman in Colorado; the woman who faced the West and
had no desire to cross the mountain.