Installment #30 The Doctor’s report.

     Doctor Bonine adjusted the stethoscope around his neck and turned to face Tucker.  “Everything sounds good.  Your blood pressure is good.  Your anti-depressant is still working?   How are things in your life?”

     “Great!  Just great.  I feel good.  Damn dyslexia is a definite inconvenience, but you don’t have a pill for that, do you?”  Tucker smiled hopefully.

     Doctor Bonine smiled sadly.  “No, Tucker, I sure don’t.  Wish I did.  Just keep doing the little things you do to offset it.  You probably know more about it then I do.”  His eyes stopped on one line of the test results and he glanced up at Tucker, who was watching him closely.  He cleared his throat.  “Now this bothers me.  Your PSA is elevated.  I would like to run another panel on that.  Not right now, but give it a couple weeks and then come in and visit the lab.  It could just be a mistake of some sort, or something you ate that skewed the numbers.”  He snapped the notebook closed and held out his hand to Tucker.

     The two men shook hands and the doctor left the room.  Tucker thought back to several years earlier when his PSA had gone haywire.  Prostate Cancer.  He had the procedure done that entailed planting radiation seeds and hoping they worked.  He had taken a “chemo” shot every three months and the problem seemed to be under control.  Well, Dr. Bonine would stay on top of it.  He was the doctor, after all.  Tucker’s job was to furnish the warm body for Dr. Bonine to take care of and keep running.  So far, so good.

     Tucker pulled his tee shirt over his head and tucked it into his jeans.  Tightening his belt he glanced in the mirror.  He reached up and patted a couple stray hairs into place then turned and opened the door.  He was not sure that he would mention the results of this visit to Cynthia.  There really wasn’t anything to worry about.  He would get another blood test and it would be fine.  The lab probably got his mixed up with someone else.  Sure, that was it.  No worries.

     Cynthia was looking out the window facing west when he entered the waiting room.  He stopped at the desk just long enough to schedule his next visit in 3 months and then joined her at the window.  “Those have got to be the most beautiful mountains in the entire world, don’t you think?”

     Cynthia turned and smiled up at him.  “Well, they are the only ones I have ever seen.  You know when my husband was in Semper Care in Colorado Springs, the cafeteria window faced Pikes Peak.  I would eat my lunch there if Rick was having his nap.  I had planned on spending New Year’s Eve with him and I would have had a front row seat for the fireworks they set off there every year, but it was socked in that night so I just stayed home.  I had already made arrangements to sleep there, but the best laid plans of mice and men, you know.”  Her voice trailed off and Tucker realized she was lost in another time and place.  He placed his hand on her shoulder and she turned into his embrace.  Tucker smiled.  He was doing it right!  He knew it instinctively.  Tucker Fuhrman was comforting this little creature who needed him and it made him feel good.  He smiled inwardly with pride.

     Cynthia pulled away first and smiled at him.  “Thank you, Tucker.  You are getting good at this.  Are you ready to take me to your Bagel Paradise?”

     And side by side, not touching they walked down the hallway, down the wide stairs and out into the bright sunshine.  Yes, life was good… he hoped.

Installment #29 Tucker

     Tucker stared at the passenger side of the Subaru.  He glared at the driver of the Mustang.  “Look what you did to my car!  The whole side is caved in.  You did that on purpose!”

      The younger man looked at Tucker incredulously.  “You made a left hand turn in front of me!  I had the right of way.  How do you figure this is my fault?”

     “You were speeding!  You saw me and you floor boarded it.  This is clearly your fault.”  Tucker turned back to his car.  That damn kid was going to try to blame this on him!  He had judged correctly.  He had made this turn a hundred times before.  He had plenty of time.  He played it over in his mind.  He had looked up the street and seen the mustang pulling out of the parking lot.  He had plenty time to make the left hand turn onto Pearl.  The next thing he knew was the car was spinning around and when it came to rest the passenger side was caved in.  Damn!

     The policeman was very nice, but he was against him also.  He did not give him a ticket, but he sure could have.  Failure to yield the right of way.  He tried to tell the cop that the Mustang had been going too fast, but it did not seem to matter.  He did let him drive the car home.  It was only two blocks.  As soon as he got home he warmed up a cup of the now three day old coffee and reached for the phone.  Cyn would understand, or so he thought.

     “I just got t-boned over on 4^th and Pearl.”

     “Oh, Tucker are you alright?  What happened?”  Tucker was touched by the concern in her voice.

     “I am fine, but the car is a mess.  I was making a left hand turn, and I had plenty of time.  It was not my fault.”

     “Yes, it was your fault.  If you had time then he would not have hit you.  That is just how it is.”  Tucker let it go.  He knew he was right, but he could not convince the Mustang driver, the cop, or Cyndi.  No sense trying and he sure did not want to make her mad again.  He knew he was right and that was all that mattered.  Since he was such a good driver, he only carried liability insurance.  He was going to have to pay the full cost of fixing the Subaru.  That damn kid would not.

     So he dropped the subject of the wreck and told her all the mundane things that were going on in his life.  “I have a doctor’s appointment this afternoon.  I would like you to go with me."

     “Oh, Tucker, is there a problem?”  She felt a little uneasy at this request.  Doctor’s visits were personal and while they were friends, he usually did that on his own and never even told her when it happened.

     “No.  It is just routine on the blood pressure and my PSA test.  I just thought we could run on out to the Pueblo West Safeway and pick up some fresh bagels and a cup of coffee in the deli there.  Have you ever been there?  You do like Bagels, right?”

     Cynthia laughed softly.  “No, I do not eat Bagels!  I ate one once and I am still trying to digest it!  But that does sound like fun.  Surely there is something I could eat there.”

     Tucker was taken aback at the prospect of anyone not eating Bagels.  Hell, they were a staple at his house, but he was not going to belabor the point at all. 

     So the day was planned.  Cynthia arrived at 1:00.  His appointment was at 1:30 and it was a ten minute drive.  She was always early.  Tucker frowned.  He as not quite ready and now here she was, early, and he would have to rush or she would frown at him.  Not that the frown hurt anything, it was just that he did not like to see it.  So he dropped his knife and change in his pocket, picked up his newsboy hat, hooked his keys on his belt loop and started down the stairs.

     Cynthia was in the kitchen loading the dishwasher.  The woman never stopped.  He had planned on doing that earlier, then he had planned on doing it later, and he was for sure going to get to it tomorrow, but now it was done.  As soon as she saw him, she rinsed and dried her hands and picked up her purse.

     “Ready?”  She smiled brilliantly.  She always smiled.  Tucker suspected that if she were falling over a cliff the last thing he would see would be her smiling at him.  Silly girl.

     “Well, yes, but we have plenty of time.  My appointment isn’t until 1:30.”  He glanced out the window at Cleo staring in at them.  He suddenly felt guilty.  “Oh, I have to give Cleo fresh water!”  He started for the back door.

     “I already did that.  We are going to be late if we don’t leave right now.”  Cynthia frowned.  Oh, there it was again, but he was unperturbed.

     “Cynthia!  My appointment isn’t until 1:30 and it is now 1:15.  We still have 15 minutes!”

     “Tucker!  You need to be at the office in 15 minutes.  Inside the office in 15 minutes and we are still inside your house and if we were in the car we are 10 minutes away from his office.  That is assuming there is no traffic tie ups.”  With that the light went on inside Tucker’s head.

     “You are right!  We have to be there at 1:30, not leave here at 1:30!  That is the part that confuses me!”  He stood and faced her.  “I always think of the time as when I need to leave, not when I have to be there.  Damn!”

     “It is alright, Tucker!  It is part of the dyslectic problem.  I have been reading up on that.”  And with that she smiled and headed for the door.  Tucker followed.  Now he understood.  And now she understood that if she wanted to be there at a certain time, she would need to move the time up and trick his mind into compliance.

     As Tucker settled into the passenger seat of the Ford he thought briefly about how he had never ridden shotgun with a woman at the wheel before, but this seemed natural.  Cynthia was his friend.  His confidante.  He trusted her at the wheel and in most other areas of his life.  In another time and place, she might have been his lover and his wife, but this was here and now and he took comfort in watching the scenery flash past.  Get the doctor out of the way, and then off to the Safeway and a fresh Bagel. A strawberry one with strawberry cream cheese.  That was what he wanted.   Life was good.  

Installment #28 Winter Fades

 

     Spring found the two ill fated friends closer than ever before.  Politics were off limits.  Sister Nancy who ran the center for illegal farm workers was not discussed.  Gay and HIV/AIDS was the only charity work that Cynthia discussed with Tucker.  Tucker did begin to understand that when one of the clients was very ill or dying, Cynthia needed him to hold her.  She had explained it in a way that he could not refuse her.  “I am a human and I have needs.  When I am sad I need someone to hold me and since you are the closest thing I have to a boyfriend, that job goes to you.  You can either do it or I will find someone to do it for you.  Your choice.”

     There it was all laid out before him.  It would never do for someone else to hold the woman he was “dating”, so he did it.  It was very uncomfortable the first few times, but then he began to understand that human contact was not so bad.  Always before contact was a precursor to sex, but that was out of the question now.  So when she needed held, he held her and if she cried he even learned to pat her and say “There.  There.”  It wasn’t so bad after all.  Once on the way to the river he even reached out and took her hand for no reason.  Just that one time.

     Tucker took Cynthia to the movie night of the Motorcycle club in Colorado Springs.  Being the only female there was rather awkward, but she was proud that Tucker was making an effort to include her in his life and sharing this side of his life with her.  The guys were nice.  All gentlemen.  That was the difference between a “Biker Club” and a “British Motorcycle Club.” 

     In June, Tucker’s brother, Anton, his wife Stacy, and their two kids, Clint and Brent came to Colorado on holiday.  Tucker did not include her in that outing.  Meeting his friends was one thing, but family was another altogether.  He did not discuss it at all.  Her phone did not ring for 3 days.  And then they were gone and she was his best friend again.  Tucker Fuhrman was a strange one.

Installment #27 Tucker

 Tucker laid the brush on the counter and slipped the black elastic band over his pony tail.  He looked at himself in the mirror and smiled.  He had on his new jeans and his red tee shirt.  He had trimmed his beard and was fresh from the shower.  He knew he looked good.  Just a splash of Aqua Velva and he was ready.  Cynthia would be here pretty soon.  They were going to Rojo’s for lunch.  They could eat there for under $10.00.  Cynthia had shown him how to flip the menu over and order ala carte burrito for $2.50 and if they drank water the bill was just over $5.00.  It was a game they played and both of them enjoyed it.

     It had not been an easy road to get her to resume the easy friendship they shared.    She insisted on taking her own car.  Guess she thought if they had another argument she would not have a ride.  She hadn’t figured out yet that Tucker was not going to bring up the subject of politics.  Not him.  No way.  That had been a very long 5 months and he was not going through that again. 

     This was the first time he would be seeing her after “that night”.  He had talked to her on the phone several times, but she always had a reason not to see him.  He knew he had scared her that night.  He knew how to intimidate women and he had drawn himself up to his full height and glared down at her.  He still felt sad when he remembered that.  He thought briefly about apologizing, but he just could not do that.  He would just have to show her.  He would be kind and he would not say anything bad about that damned Obama.  Maybe he could even think of something nice to say about him.  Well, that would be a real stretch and he knew it!  Just no apology.  That was a sign of weakness and Tucker Fuhrman was not a weak man.

     He smiled at his reflection in the mirror.  Life was good.  He picked up his billfold and thought briefly about leaving it on the counter.  Then Cynthia would buy because he forgot his money.  He had used that trick on several of the women he had dated.  He had even used it on Cynthia a time or two.  No sense wasting his money, but the separation from Cynthia and the loneliness were still fresh in his mind so he slid the wallet in his front pocket.  He did not like to set on it.  Made his butt sore.

     He walked slowly down the stairs and glanced out the window.  Yes!  She was here.  She had just pulled up.  He opened the door, locked it behind himself, and walked to her Ford.  Opening the door, he settled himself in the passenger seat and smiled at her.  “You look lovely, Cyn.  Course you always look lovely.  Shows I have good taste.”  She laughed.  This woman was so easy to be around and she understood his sense of humor.  He was very glad he had called her.  He was even happier that she had answered.

Installment #26 Marge and Tucker

     Marge clicked the caller id and groaned.  It was Tucker and she might as well answer it.  She could not know just what was in the little fellows mind if she didn’t actually answer and hear what he had to say.

     “Hello, Marge here.”

     “Oh, Marge!  It is Tucker!  I have been calling, but you must have been gone.” 

     “Damn, he is brilliant.” She thought it, but she did not say it.  Tucker had the ball in his court and she had not forgotten their last conversation when he had slammed the phone down in her ear.

     “Well, yes Tucker.  We did manage to get away for a few days.”  It had been 5 months since they last talked, but no good could come of her reminding him of that and of the conversation they had ended so abruptly.  “How have you been?”  She waited and was surprised to hear him catch his breath.  Was he crying?  “Tucker?  Are you alright?”

     “Marge, I just called Cynthia.  Well, last night, I called her.”  He waited expectantly, but Marge did not understand what he was saying, or not saying.  If she thought about it, she might.  Tucker couldn’t apologize.  If you got technical about it, he had done nothing wrong.  Cynthia had.  She had worked on Obama’s campaign.  He had merely voiced his opinion and she had walked out.

     “Yes, and how did that go?  Did you apologize?”  She knew before he answered what the answer was to that one.

     “Well, no.  I really don’t need to.  I don’t think I did anything that wrong.  Just voiced my opinion is all.  She is the one that got mad.  She might want to apologize to me!”  Tucker smiled in the phone, but the smile quickly died on his lips.

     “Oh for Criss sake, Tucker!  Are you brain dead?  Shall I apologize for you breaking my ear drum?  I would not hold my breath waiting for her or me to say we are sorry!”

     “Well, I do not expect you to apologize, but you have to understand, that I was uspset.  I really cared about her and I was just trying to get her to see that her liberal ways were wrong.  I was doing it for her good.”  Tucker stopped talking.  Not because he was through, but because he knew he was not getting through to Marge.  She had her mind made up and nothing was going to change it.  So Tucker took what for him was the high road.  “Ok, Marge, I just wanted you to know that Cynthia is back in my life and I would like you to meet her at some point.  You, and of course, David.”

     “OK, Tucker.  Later.  Right now I am babysitting the little niece and she needs me.  We will talk later.  Hugs.”  And with that she replaced the receiver in the cradle and turned to see David with a smirk on his face.

     “Well, where is that little niece anyway?  I cannot see her!  She must be very little!  I trust that was Tucker?”

     “Oh, yes! You ass!  Of course it was Tucker.  He called Cynthia and wanted me to know it.  Guess he figures he can just walk through this one like nothing happened.  I wonder if Cynthia knows that Tucker lives on the river of de-Nile?  If she doesn’t she will.  I do not think Tucker has ever been held accountable for any of his actions, ever?”

     “Probably not.  Tucker does what Tucker does and ignores the consequences.  It does rather surprise me that he even called her.  Usually just writes them off and goes on down the road.  What do you suppose it is about that woman?   Tucker Fuhrman sees something that is for sure.  We have got to meet her, Marge.  If it is the last thing we ever do.”

     Marge sighed, “That is for sure.  Oh, David, he is such a sad little man with the way he thinks and justifies every move he makes.  I just hope this Cynthia knows what she is getting in to with Tucker.  I am hungry for Italian.  Want to cook or go to Guiseppe’s?” 

     And with that Tucker was forgotten for the evening.

Installment #25 Cynthia

                                          

     Cynthia Browder stared at the phone in her hand.  She checked the caller id.  Yes, that was Tucker Fuhrman.  What had he said?  Nothing really.  It was like the last 5 months had never happened.  Was that normal?  Apparently it was in Tucker Fuhrman’s world.  Blow up.  Make an ass out of yourself.  Wait 5 months and then call like it had never happened.  But it had.  She remembered how afraid she had been.  She also remembered how lonely she had been.  And now, he had just called and acted like they had just talked yesterday.   Yes, she would see him again.  Not today.  Maybe not this week, but when she was ready.  The fear she had felt that night was still in the recesses of her mind and she knew she could not forget that.  She remembered Cleo.  Such a loving dog.  Tucker did not deserve such a devoted friend.  She wondered if he walked her.  She thought not. 

     As she lay in her bed that night, she remembered how complete her friendship with Tucker had made her feel.  She remembered all their walks on the levy and how excited he had been when she had shown him how to fold a leaf from a cottonwood tree, blow through it and make a very loud whistle.  He had wanted to learn to whistle, but this was as close as it came. 

     It was clear by his phone call, that he had missed her.  He would never say the words, but she knew he had.  Why else would he call?  It was like they had talked yesterday, but they hadn’t.  As she drifted towards the abyss of sleep she pictured Tucker setting on the rocks at the levee, alone. Tucker was always alone.  Even when they were in a crowd, Tucker was alone.  As she drifted on the waves of slumber she knew, that Tucker was her destiny and he would always be alone.  It made her sad to think of the future, because she could not see one.  She could only see loneliness and never having anyone to hold her.  Tucker might be there, but he would never hold her, but she knew that she did not want anyone else to hold her.  It was a sad world that was shaping around her and pulling her in deeper, but she knew as sure as God was in his heaven that Tucker was her future.