The world is not my home.

Monday, September 9, 2013

Installment #49 Surprise!

When Cynthia brought Tucker home the next morning they were surprised to see the pickup and trailer in the driveway. When they opened the door the aroma of fresh coffee greeted them. Cynthia had made coffee at home, but this was different. This was Tucker’s home and the coffee smelled really good. Mark greeted them both with a smile. Then he hugged Tucker and turned to Cynthia. “You guys get a cup of coffee and set on the porch. I have a surprise in the trailer.” With that he opened the door and went outside.

Cynthia fixed two cups of coffee and started to the porch. Tucker followed. They sat in the lawn chairs and listened to thumping inside the trailer. What was going on? The loading door was out of sight on the other side of the trailer, so they could see nothing. And then they heard the roar of an engine. Tucker leaned forward. The big green Norton motorcycle that was in the picture on the mantle emerged from the back of the trailer. Mark gunned the motor, slipped the clutch and shot off down the street. Tucker laughed out loud. “Oh, my God! He got it running! Look at it! It is beautiful! “ He stood up and walked to the side walk. Mark drove up to him. The two men looked at each other and Mark revved the engine.

“Well, Tucker, what do you think? Does this bring back memories?”

“How did you manage this? Last time I seen that it was in a basket up on the shelf.”

“Yep. I stole it and this is what I have been doing for the last month. I could not get the Norton insignia, so I hired a guy to paint it. Now we are going to take a picture of you with this just like the one you gave Cyndi. This will be 30 years later. See if you have changed.”

Tucker reached down and ran his hand over the gas tank. “I loved this bike. This was always my favorite. I am very glad you did this. This bike should live forever.”

“Well, Tucker, that is the best part. We are working on putting the motorcycle museum right next door to the photography museum. Going to take a few years, but I think we can swing it. This bike is going to be the first exhibit.” With that bit of news, Tucker could no longer hold back the tears. He grasped Mark by the shoulder and the two men shared a brief hug. Mark smiled at Cynthia over Tucker’s shoulder.

With that Cynthia took her leave of the two men. She knew they had a lot to talk about and she had things to do at home. She kissed Tucker lightly on top of the head and started for the door. There she stopped and turned.

“I almost forgot. We have to do something about Cleo. Hospice was supposed to find her a home, but it does not seem to be happening. Got any idea’s Mark?” Mark looked at her studiously.

“I can’t take her. I would if I could. Liz would kill me if I brought home a dog. Hey! Have you talked to the bike club? Those guys might come up with someone in the club.” Mark smiled.

“Great idea!” Tucker chimed in. “I will call Dana tonight. I need to talk to him anyway. I want him to see the Norton.”

And Cynthia was a little more light hearted as she drove home. Why had she not thought of the motorcycle club? It made perfect sense. The club was a band of brothers. Brothers through thick and thin. She said a silent prayer to her God as she pulled into the car port.

And back on Howard Street Mark and Tucker were busy making plans. First call Dana about Cleo. “I dunno’, buddy. Let me ask around. Send out an email. Get back to you as soon as I know something. Cleo is a damn good dog and she needs a damn good home. Chin up, Tucker, I am on it.”

As Mark busied himself in the kitchen throwing together a barbeque that he was sure Tucker would not turn away from, Tucker called Marge.

“Marge, it is time. I fell at Cynthia’s the last time I spent the night and I just can not do that to her. I have to go into the nursing home. It is the only solution.” Marge sighed. She had known this day was coming, but she was not sure she was ready for it. Oh, she had checked out the ones Tucker thought he might like. They had agreed on a very cozy one that seemed to be staffed with caring people and was priced in Tucker’s range, but still, a nursing home was a nursing home and it was where he would go to die. It was so final. She thought quickly.

“OK Tucker. Let me make a few phone calls. Did Mark get there?”

“Yes, he came this morning and he has the Norton running, if you can believe. Call me back when you are ready.” With that they broke the connection. Tucker turned toward the kitchen and Margie dropped her head in her hands and collapsed in a sobbing heap on the settee. That is where David found her later when he came in from town.

“Oh, Marge what is it!” He was not used to seeing her out of control and it rather frightened him, so he just held her as she told him about the conversation with Tucker.

“He is ready to die, David. He has already quit eating for the most part. He wants to go into the nursing home and then quit eating and drinking altogether. He has studied this and this is his way of hurrying things along. He is committing suicide in a very calm and rational manner. I can’t stop him. Why should I stop him? It is his life. He has been very clear from the beginning. I wonder how Cynthia is going to handle this? I have to go to Florida and she is going to be alone until I get back.” Her voice trailed off and she shrugged her shoulders.

David, ever the stalwart one, stared into space as he held his wife. He knew it would fall to him when she flew to Florida. Tucker was his friend and while he hoped Cynthia would be up to the task, he knew he would be there. He was going to miss Tucker, no doubt about that, but life would go on for all of them.

“You know, Marge, it amazes me how Tucker is making this easy for us. I am not sure I could do what he is doing. Course he has been alone most of his life. Never relied on anyone for anything, so why should now be any different?” As he let her go and headed for the door, he added an afterthought, “I am not hungry tonight. Want to just have the wine and forget the supper? And what kind of wine goes with no upper?”

Marge dried her eyes and followed him into the kitchen to open the refrigerator and stare sadly at a salad. “Better make it white.”

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Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Installment #48 ....and time marches on

Installment #48

… and time marches on.

Tucker watched the rental car as it backed out the drive and pulled on to Pearl. Anton would be back. He knew that. He had tried to tell Anton goodbye and make it final, but his little brother was not making it easy. And then there was Albert. Tucker had not talked with him. They were not estranged, just did not seem to have much in common. Anton would no doubt fill Albert in on how bad Tucker was, but he would not call. That was just how it was. Tucker knew that.

He smiled at Cynthia. “Well, I guess I will be going home with you tonight. My baby sitter just left.”

“Looks like it. What shall we have for supper?” She asked the question, but she knew the answer. The Cream of Wheat was the only thing he ate and he drank very little water. He was so thin that it hurt her to look at him. He was wasting away before her eyes and there was nothing she could do to stop it from happening. So she filled Cleo’s bowl with food and gave her fresh water. Soon they would need to find her a new home. She could not take her to her house because she had geese that would suffer the fate of a big dog playing with them. And the cat. Cleo was part grey hound and did not like cats at all. She sighed and decided to tackle the new home idea tomorrow for sure.

Tucker snapped his fingers. “I almost forgot! Mark called today and he will be here this weekend. He has a surprise for me. Wonder what it is?”

“Oh, I am so glad! I know how much he means to you. A surprise? I have no clue what it could be. Is he flying?”

“No, he is bringing the pickup and a trailer. I want to send some stuff back with him. I am pretty sure I am not going to be staying here in the house much longer and I want to get everything of value into the right hands.” He stopped and gazed out the window. “Funny how I worked all my life for this and now it is just something to get rid of. I did not think I would live long enough to get to this point. I just don’t care about any of it anymore. I did talk to Mark about taking me to the nursing home before he leaves.” Cynthia caught her breathe.

“What do you mean? Nursing home? I thought you would be here with me until, until, you know?” She could not bring herself to use the word “died”. That made it too real. That was final. She knew how Tucker did not like to be touched, but this time she put her arms around him and told him, “Tucker! Just hold me because pretty soon you will not be here to do it. I need you to hold me!” And he did. And he stroked her hair, and a plan began to form in his mind. It was a plan that just might work!

Little did she know how time was about to fast forward.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Installment #47 Anton Comes to Call

So began the daily routine of Tucker being at home in the day and sleeping at Cynthia’s every night. Cleo was home alone, but that was how it had to be. Tucker rather enjoyed being in Cynthia’s home. He had always felt comfortable there. He liked her dogs and he liked the cat. Apparently the cat liked him too, since she always leapt on his lap as soon as he set down. The recliner was hard for him to get out of, so he was dependent on Cyndi to push the foot rest down. Tucker had always been independent and never needed anyone, but now he let Cyndi do things for him. He even ate a little Cream of Wheat every night and every morning. He had the upstairs bedroom and she slept downstairs. Once he even thought about how nice it would have been to share the bed.

On the third night of the new routine, Anton called. Tucker had finally admitted that he was not well and it would be alright if Anton wanted to come for a few days. So this phone call was to work out the details concerning the visit. He would be coming on Amtrac since he was afraid to fly and did not want to drive. He would arrive at noon on Monday and Cyndi could take 3 days off since that is how long he would be there. Tucker thought not. He was used to her. He needed her. Anton was his brother, but she was his what ever she was. Fiancee, he wished. He liked the sound of it. Maybe he would tell her some day, but for now, just get the brother visit over.

So, on Monday, Tucker and Cyndi were on the porch when Anton drove up in the rental car. It was awkward to say the least. Anton was shocked at the big brother who was now a very thin, pale big brother and it showed.

Cynthia watched the body language of the brothers as they greeted each other. It seemed very strained, but then this had to be hard on Anton especially. He was 15 years younger than Tucker, but he would be without a brother very soon. Surely he could see that. There were 3 brothers and Anton was the only one that had married. He had two sons and those were Tucker’s only nephews. If the family name was to be carried on, it was all on Anton’s shoulders.

Cynthia smiled as she saw Tucker smile at Anton and grab him in a bear hug. Anton was taken aback and this made Cynthia laugh. She knew Tucker was not a touchy feely kind of guy and she assumed from the look on his face that Anton did not expect this at all. A simple hand shake was all he was used to having from his brother, but here he stood wrapped in his arms. Anton had a lot to learn and Cynthia could only hope he was a fast learner.

When the brothers broke apart, Cynthia took her leave and headed home. Tucker knew she was as close as the phone and she assured him that she would be there if he needed her, or if he just wanted her there. She looked in the rear view mirror and said a silent prayer that the visit would go well and they could say their goodbyes.

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OK, kids, push has come to shove. This installment and #48 and #49 will be published here for you, but after that, I am on strike. You like to read and I like to write so in exchange for a paltry $5.00 donation you will receive Installment #50 and all other installments in your email box. So cough up using the Buy Now button below and we will all be happy. This is my position...I like to know that I have readers who actually like my work. This is my way of validating. So far I have collected $5.00. I will keep a tally going so you know just how rich I am going to wind up. So, lets get that button to popping and make me a happy woman!

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Installment #46 And Time passed

Cynthia spoke with Tucker every morning at 6:00. He called her right on the dot. She thought maybe he watched the time so he would not wake her before 6:00 and not a minute after so she would not worry. Sleep seemed to elude him after he woke up sometime in the night to empty his bladder. He used to turn on the television and watch the Fox channel, but he saw no reason to do that anymore. He just waited for time to call Cynthia.

His hospice volunteer had come at some point in time and seemed like a nice enough fellow. Chas something or other. Chas was short for Charles. Usually Charles was shortened to Chuck or Charlie or something like that. Chas was an unusual name for an unusual man. He sure was a good cook and in a different time and place Tucker would have reveled in the meals placed before him, but not now. Eating was pointless and the sooner Chas agreed the better they would get along. So Chas cooked and created and Tucker moved it around his plate until Chas took his plate away. He had researched this and knew that if he ate and kept his strength up, it would prolong the dying process. He could see no reason to do that. It was hopeless. He would never be any better and death was inevitable. He had thought briefly about suicide, but he thought that through and knew that Cynthia would be the one to find him. She was the only one with a key and he could not put her through that. By the time he was comfortable enough with Chas to think of suicide again, Margie has taken all the guns away. So he just quit eating.

So Cynthia came every morning and hospice sent workers to bathe him and help him shave and do the many things that they did. Cynthia went home in the afternoon and Chas came by for several hours. He and Cynthia had not met, but both asked about the other. He guessed that was just another form of civility that was necessary to get through this ordeal. Friends drove down from Denver and one flew in from California. One friend helped him catalog his Japanese sword collection and mail it to a dealer in St. Louis. The house was getting emptied out and Marge was banking money. He would need it when he needed more care.

Cynthia went home every evening when he went to bed. It was just him and Cleo. He began to discover that he had a sensitive side he had not known existed. Tears came easily. That was not something he had ever done before, but now he noticed when the little Ford pulled away and the brake light flickered at the corner, that he was very sad. Sad and afraid. Afraid? He had never been afraid in his life, but now he heard sounds and woke up shaking. The second night this happened he decided to tell Cynthia.

“Cyn, I know this is going to sound crazy, but I am afraid of the dark. I get really scared when you leave me.” He looked at Cynthia so sadly that she could only reach for his hand and with a tear in her own voice she comforted him.

“Tucker, this is not unusual at all. I have been studying this and it is very normal. Let me talk to Marge and see what we can do. I am pretty sure hospice does not send people out at night. I have the dogs and my geese and ducks that need me at home, so I can’t stay. Maybe you can come stay with me. Marge will be here this afternoon and we will work this out. Right now I am going to make you some tea and toss in a load of laundry.”

Tucker smiled at her and she smiled back. She would be there for him. He knew that. He did not know why. He had told Anton several times about how she would wait when he wasn’t ready and never scold him. She would pull weeds while he talked on the phone. She would walk the dog when he was tinkering in the garage. Was it because she cared? He knew she had other things to do so it wasn’t because she had time on her hands. She must care. He tried not to think about it. It confused him. She knew he was dying. No future there. Maybe she was just a good person. Who knew.

Marge listened as Cynthia and Tucker told her about the fear Tucker felt when he was alone. Marge was not surprised. Fear and dying often went hand in hand. She was pleased that Cynthia would take Tucker home at night and bring him back in the morning. That way he would still have the comfort of his own home all day and hospice would take care of him there. She was pleased that Tucker felt comfortable enough with Cynthia to sleep there. She had never known him to spend a night anywhere except his own house. And she had certainly never seen the gentle air about Tucker that now was always there. Tucker had always been rather selfish, but now he was giving. Giving and kind. He said nice things for no reason. And it was not an act. His whole countenance was one of a caring person. Must be the dying process.

So she returned to Denver, promising to return in a week. She knew she was going to need to fly to Florida and spend some time with her friend Jean, who was dealing with health problems, but for now Tucker was her prime concern.

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Now you should know, that I have put over a year into writing this. This is time I could have spent making things and selling them for real money. So here is the deal...I write, you read and I am now asking for monetary compensation so I can continue to write instead of working. If you like what you read and want more of it, there is a paypal button following this. I have given you choices on how much you enjoy my writing and they are all three a mere pittance so I leave it in your hands now. You will not receive anything, but I will receive money. Money will enable me to keep writing. No money will send me to the basement to sew.
Have a good day and thank you for reading Long Ago and Not Very Far Away

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Your opportunity to contribute to a starving artist.

This is your chance to show me how much you are enjoying reading Long Ago and Not Very Far Away. Be sure and check out the drop down ratings. If this works out I can keep doing the online stories and not bother with the publishing business.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Installment #45 Sister Nancy comes to call.

Tucker had gone up to his room to rest after breakfast and Cynthia was putting the last of the dishes in the cupboard when the doorbell rang. She hurried to the door and pulled it open. Sister Nancy stood on the porch smiling. Cynthia reached out and embraced the dear woman. This woman was truly a gift from God. Cynthia could not help being humbled every time she encountered her. Today was no exception.

“Well, Cynthia, here I am. I told you I would come and where is our dear Tucker?”

“He went up to lay down a little bit, but I heard him walking around, so he is not asleep.”

Sister Nancy smiled and stepped to the bottom of the stairs. “Tucker Fuhrman! This is Sister Nancy down here to see you. I am in my full habit and you better get down here right now.” Cynthia smiled at the nun who stood there in a pair of blue jeans, tennis shoes and a cotton blouse. She was smiling and her whole face beamed. To Cynthia’s surprise, Tuckers face appeared at the head of the stairs. He looked like a naughty school boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar. As he started slowly down the stairs Cynthia was suddenly filled with happiness. This was going to be alright. She knew it! She reached for the leash and Cleo ran to her side.

“OK, Sister, you are on your own. I will be back in an hour or so and if you are gone I will catch up with you later.” With that she and the dog stepped outside, pulling the door shut behind them and when she came back later, Sister Nancy was gone and nothing was said about the visit. Tucker did make the remark that “Sister Nancy was not at all like I expected her to be.” And Tucker seemed to have a more relaxed air about him. For that Cynthia was grateful.

And Tucker did have more news. “Some guy called today from hospice. He is a volunteer. I forgot his name, but he is going to come and visit later this afternoon and he says he is a cook. Well, he actually said he was a chef. He will fix me something to eat so you do not need to stay unless you just want to meet him.”

Cynthia smiled. She knew this would be the “buddy” that hospice had promised. “I think I will just let you two get acquainted. I have plenty to do at home. What time is he coming?”

Tucker looked confused. “I don’t know. He said later, so I guess it will be later. But you can leave whenever because I think I am going to take a nap!” He smiled. Cynthia smiled back.

“Well, then I am going to leave you to your nap and trust that you will call me later?”

“Yes, I will.” He stood and kissed her on the forehead as she stood in the opened door. Then he closed it behind her, turned the key and started up the staircase toward his bed. He needed this time alone to think back on his visit with Sister Nancy.

As he lay on his bed being very careful not to disturb the covers, he reflected on his visit. He was glad that Cynthia had taken the dog and left him alone. At first he had known a moment of panic. A Catholic Sister in his front room! He had carefully avoided all things Catholic for many years and now there was one standing right before him.

She did not have a habit on at all! She was dressed in blue jeans. And she was short! Very short. Shorter than Cynthia. And heavier. And her face was round and her smile was wide and very friendly. If he had to pick a mother figure out of the women in the whole world, he would have picked her. He longed to fall in her arms and let her hold him and soothe all his fears. If only…

And then to his surprise, Sister Nancy opened her arms and the 6’2” German from St. Louis who needed no one to make his life complete was suddenly clinging to this tiny woman and pouring out his heart; his needs, his wants, his frustrations, and his terror at the prospect of leaving this world. And she patted him softly and crooned to him. Yes! He was home with the beloved Catholic Church that he had left so many years ago. And Father Pat would come to see him and Father Pat would prepare his soul for it’s journey.

And as he closed his eyes he could see the beloved Blessed Mary with her arms open wide and behind her was Momma and Poppa. Oh! And Grandma. As he drifted in the blessed arms he slept the first peaceful sleep he had known in 50 years. Thank you, my dear Sister Nancy!

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Installment #44 Family ties

Tucker and Cynthia sat at the table looking into the Arkansas River. The water was lower than it had been in the early spring, but the rapids were white. Tucker watched a rafter practicing in the whitewater several feet away. It would be nice to be out on the rocks like they used to do, but he was unsure of his footing. He loved this place. It would get hot later on, but now it was just nice. He reached over and took Cynthia’s hand. He was not sure why he did that. He just felt like for some reason he needed human contact. She did not pull away, instead she held his hand firmly and turned to face him.

“Tucker, I need to talk to you.” Instinctually he started to withdraw his hand, but she held him fast. “Don’t do that! I need you to listen and I need you to know why I am saying what I am saying.” Tucker nodded and left his hand where it was. “Now I know you have two brothers back in St. Louis. I do not know why they are not here. I strongly suspect that you have not told them what is going on with you.” Tucker looked farther down the river. This was really none of her business. He turned to tell her this, but as his eyes met hers he stopped.

“This is probably none of my business, but let me tell you how I see it. You are dying. You know it and I know it. If you can leave this world with unfinished business you are doing something I couldn’t. You will die. You will be gone. Anton and Albert are going to have to deal with it. Now who needs to forgive who and why is entirely beside the point, but they need to know the facts. They need the chance to rectify whatever has gone before, but more important than that is this; You are going to face some sort of God and some sort of judgment somewhere. You cannot do that with unfinished business here on earth. See what I am saying?”

Tucker remained completely silent and Cynthia thought perhaps she had said too much, but she forged ahead. “And in regards to your immortal soul, I know you are Catholic and I know nothing about how that works. I do know that Catholics tend to be such their whole life, whether or not they go to church. So, since I know nothing about it, I have talked to my friend, Sister Nancy and she is coming over this morning and she can talk to you about what you need.” At these words, Tucker became visibly shaken.

“No! That is not going to happen! I am not having that woman coming in telling me what to do. I had those damn nuns all my growing up and I am not going to let her in my home! She works with those migrants and you know how I feel about that! So just call her up and tell her not to come! Do you hear me?”

“Well, of course I hear you. Everyone on the river hears you, but you might as well bite the bullet on this one. She is coming. Whether you call your brothers and work things out is up to you, but I think you will do the right thing there because deep down I know you love them. And you will meet Sister Nancy. If you throw her out it will be your loss, but you will meet her!” Then she softened her hold on his hand, but he did not pull away. She smiled. Maybe there was hope for this man. “Come on. It is getting hot and I will need to take Cleo for a walk soon.” And hand in hand they walked the short distance to the ramp that led to his house.

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