#18 A new day

I awoke to brilliant light filling my mossy little room.  I was surprised to see that Rampano was still there.  I gazed at the place where he lay and felt full of love like I used to feel back in the real world.  I did not know this man, if he was indeed a man, but some how I felt a link and a connection to him that came from deep within.  Now even “deep within” I did not understand since there was nothing to have a within with, but I felt a tie to this little Rompano.



As I watched him sleeping I felt myself in another place.  I did not recognize my surrounding.  The ceiling were high and the trimmings around the ceilings were elegantly carved and painted a brilliant gold.   On closer examination I decided they could actually be gold.  The floors were marble.  It was neither cold nor hot, but rather just a temperature that was completely moderate.  I saw people at the end of the long hallway.  It seemed to be all men and they were in some sort of uniform.



At that point I became aware that they were English and the the year was 1431.  It was the end of the 100 year war with France.  I was French and had no idea wht I was doing in an English prison.  My roots traced back to French Switzerland. I deduced that it was an English prison, but I was French to the bone!  What was going on?



I watched as the contingent of men in their army uniforms came toward my door.  I was locked in a small rock cell with only a pallet on the floor.  I wore a uniform consisting of a pair of pants that were tied tightly at my waist, a coarse jacket  and no more.  The men stopped at the door of my cell and one of them unrolled a parchment and began to read:



“Maid of Orleans, you have been found guilty of heresy.  You claim to talk with God!  By your own words you admitted that this is true.  You refuse to dress as a woman, but wear the garb of a man.  A jury of your peers has deemed that you shall be immediately taken from this place and burned at the stake until you are dead!  So be  it.”



With that he turned and stepped aside.  4 men entered my cell and grabbed me by my arms and jerked me outside the cell and propelled me forward.  In no time at all I stood before a pyre.  It was then I realized I was Joan of Arc, the maid of Orleans.  I had fought for France since the age of 17.  I had lead troops in battle and changed the course of history!  I was descended from the Calame and Gagnebien line.  I had no time to speak as I was propelled forward and tied to the stake.  Quickly a fire was lit and I was consumed.



I felt no pain.  I could see my murderers , but I felt no pain.  I was floating, floating, and then drifting down.  I came to rest beside Rompano.  He opened his eyes and smiled.  I smiled back.  I was safe once more for a while.



The crackling fire was no more.  I wanted to tell him where I had been, but as quickly as it had happened it was forgotten, so I just smiled and faded into my mossy little room with Rompano at my side.

#14 A look back. rerun

I awoke to find my mossy little room aglow.  I quickly found the source of the ethereal light.  Rompano sat a few feet from me and the light was coming from him!  I can not describe the color of the light, only that it was the brightest light I had encountered in my room, which now that I thought about it, was always bright.  As soon as he saw I was awake, the light dimmed.

"Well, so finally you are awake.  I turned the light bright to wake you up.  I didn't want to just shake you awake.  That is so rude.  Guess where we are going today?"

I stared at him with my mind completely blank.  I began to have a vision and knew that we were communicating in the way the hereafter let us communicate.  I saw a lovely garden.  It was beautiful beyond any earthly thing I could imagine.  Every kind of tree and shrub.  Beautiful flowers.  The soil was fertile and everywhere I looked was a different vista.  I looked beyond and as far as I could see, the garden extended.  And then I noticed there were people in the garden.  Across the garden I saw a man who was completely naked picking produce in a beautiful vegetable garden.  Carrots, lettuce, tomatoes, and a vegetable I did not recognize.  I looked to Rompano for an answer.

"Okra" he said simply."  That was one vegetable I had never really cared for so of course I would not recognize it.  "The man is Adam.  He is picking vegetables for their meal.  Eve is over there picking fruit.  They do not eat meat here."

I looked where he pointed and saw a lovely woman.  She was also naked.  Realization hit me!  This was the Garden of Eden.  This was where it all began!  As I watched the woman I knew it was Eve and to my astonishment I realized she was talking to a snake.  Oh, my God!  I was witnessing The Temptation!  For the first time since my death I had a feeling of helplessness.  I wanted to run forward and grab the snake and throw it out of the Garden, but I could not move.

"Rompano!  Why can't I move!  I could throw Satan out of the garden and the world would be perfect again!"  He only watched quietly and said not a word.

To my horror I saw Eve reach for the apple.  I watched helplessly as she took a bite.  I saw her face light up and then watched as she plucked another.  She left the tree and went to where Adam waited by the vegetable patch.  My feet were frozen to the ground as if I were one of the plants.  I looked for Rompano, but I could not see him.

"Look Adam!  I picked this from the tree in the center of the Garden.  Oh, it is so good!  You have to try a bite."  Adam was aghast!

"No, Eve!  That is the tree  knowledge.  The knowledge of good and evil.  Father said we could not eat of it or we would surely die.  Oh, my God!  You tasted it didn't you?"  Eve smiled a sly smile.

"Yes!  And that is why Father said not to eat it.  He knew we would then know what he knew, and it is so good.  It is sweet and like nothing I have ever tasted.  Look at me!  I am the same.  Nothing has changed.  He just wanted to keep it all for himself.  Here!  Just take one bite and you will see.  It hurts nothing, just tastes so good you will not believe it."  She held the apple out towards him and smiled innocently.

I watched in horror as Adam took the apple and bit into it.  I watched as he looked at Eve's naked body and then at his own.  I watched as he ran to the nearest tree and plucked a branch to cover himself and then one for Eve.  As I watched they seemed to age before my eyes.  Adam's hair turned white as snow and the years began to show on their faces.  My mind could barely absorb what I had just seen.  I closed my eyes and escaped to my mossy little room where Rompano waited.

"Oh, Rompano!  That was horrible!  Why couldn't I stop her?  Why was I there?"

"You do not exist, so how could you stop them, who also do not exist?  You will see many things while you are here.  I will take you many places, but you will not be able to change history.  I want you to know all this, because while you know it on some level, you have forgotten.  What you do need to know is that you were Eve.  Every one you meet in these travels, you are.  Well, you are not all of them, but you are one of the people.  You are in for one big experience and when it is over you will be perfect."

And with that, he was gone.  I was glad because I needed to think.  I was Eve.  I was the beginning.  I had brought the knowledge of good and evil into the world.  I wanted to change the world and I had, right from the beginning.  What else had I done?  Did I want to know?  It did not seem to make any difference, because Rompano would lead me through my existence and make me face it all.

But for now, sleep was my only escape.

#8 What is time? rerun

I reclined against whatever and enjoyed just being here and being me.  I began to wonder about the kids and how they were handling not having me any more.  How long had it been?  How could I find out?  I closed my eyes and thought back to the day I died and the place.  I was there!  My body was not.  The bed was stripped and all my personal belongings were gone.  Wait a minute!  That was not my bed!  The room was no longer purple.  And what was that godawfulsound coming from the other room?  I recognized it as some sort of classical music.  I listened for a moment and decided it was not really that bad.  I had always gone the classic country route myself.  Hank Williams, Patsy Cline, George Jones, Loretta Lynn, oh and Dolly Parton and Porter Wagoner.  I remembered back when Dolly was a brunette and did not have boobs.  That was a long time ago!  But I had other fish to fry.  If this was no longer my home, where were my kids?

Sue was still in Pueblo, I was sure as was Bret.  Those were the youngest.  Better check on them first.  I pictured Bret since he was the baby.  I pictured him in Florence, where he lived.  That place was empty.  When I had last seen him he drove a red car, worked in the marijuana trade, and was going to the Community College to learn welding.  I flitted over to Florence and found that house empty.  Not at the grow.  Not at the college.  OK.  I needed to think.  I had a tie to him so if I thought about him and Amanda and the baby, it should pull me to them.  I pictured him as I last saw him.  He had just gotten bitten by a scorpion at the grow and he was pretty upset.  Baby had been comforting him.  I felt air begin to race by my face and I knew I was moving and moving very fast.  And suddenly I stopped outside a small house in a country setting.  Where was this?  Hey, a welding truck in the driveway.  The tag showed it was from Kansas.  Reno county.  Wow!  He had gone back to my hometown.  I zoomed out and looked back down.  Yep.  He was in Nickerson, Kansas.

The last time I had seen Nickerson, it was a depressed area with lots of deserted mobile homes.  Not so now.  It looked like it had made a comeback.  So this is where Bret moved.  Wonder when he did that.  Probably when he got his inheritance from me.  I looked around and no one was in the yard.  There was a small bike there.  That must belong to Jiraiya.  I looked for him and saw no signs of anyone anywhere.  I judged it to be about supper time, so I peeked in what I thought was the kitchen and there they were.  Amanda was putting supper on the table.  Bret was leaning against the sink telling her about his day.  Jiraiya was at a desk in the corner working on a coloring book.  He was doing a really good job.  How old was he now?  He was just turned 2 when I left.  He looked to be about 3 or 4 now.  So apparently I have only been dead about a year.  Well, all I can say is "Time flies when you are having fun!"  Seemed like only yesterday.  As I watched the little scene before me, I heard the phone ring.  Bret pulled the phone from his pocket, checked the caller ID and said to no one in particular, "It is Aunt Donna.  I will call her back."  Aunt Donna was my only surviving sister.  It was good to know they were in touch.  She lived in Hutchinson, Kansas.

As they ate they talked about an upcoming trip they were going to take.  Bret seemed to be in charge of the plans.  Leave on Saturday, drive to Pueblo, check into their room at the Best Western and sleep.  " And the next morning we will go take your folks to breakfast, visit a while and then go see Susie.  She is still working at the laundromat."  It took a moment for that to sink in.  Sue had been Bret's birth mother and my youngest daughter.  We had adopted him and as could be expected, life had gotten complicated.  They must have made peace after my death.  Well, that was good.  I would need to look into that more at a future time, but right now I was missing my mossy little room and Sysynck and Charmin, so I closed my eyes and pictured the room.

I could sure get used to this method of travel!

#6 A little stroll outside rerun

I was reluctant to leave my little room.  It was my security in a world that was new to me, but I was curious as to what was outside these walls and mother had left the opening so I moved closer to the opening.  It was very bright out there!  A strange brightness that I had never known before.  How can I describe it?  Not neon lights.  Not bright spotlights.  Not bright sunlight.  It did not hurt my eyes because it was not one light.  It was the same every where I looked and there was no source that the light came from.  Just pure light.  It was a blinding light, but not a blinding light.  I guess I just don't have words to describe it.  I stepped through the opening and looked around.  There was nothing.  No trees, no buildings, no nothing.  There was not even a place to stand.  I was in a complete void with brilliant light.

I seemed to be completely alone, but I was not lonely.  I felt a peace that I had never felt before.  Of course I had never been dead before, so this was going to take some getting used to.  Why had my mother came to me?  Was it to just leave me?  This was going to take some figuring and I was at a complete loss.  I suddenly thought about my brother, Jake, who had died in a car wreck right after his 29th birthday.  He had always been a carefree little fellow and his sudden death had devastated me.  I longed to see him.  He must be here somewhere.  I wish momma had given me a clue before she left me, but she hadn't.

Wait!  Charmin and Sysnyck  had found me.  Momma had found me.  Maybe Jake would if I thought about him hard enough.  I sure hoped he was here.  He had always been a bad boy, but about a month before he died he had started going to church.  Had that helped?  Oh I sure hoped so.

I closed my eyes tightly and thought about him as I last remembered him in his khaki pants and shirt as he looked when he came home from the Army. Then I remembered him as he was when we were on the Stroh place   Before Star kicked him and left a 4 inch scar on his right cheek.  Nothing.  Then I pictured him in the moonlight as we listened to the Grand Old Opry on WSM on Saturday night. There he was!  As Hank Williams sang "Your Cheatin' Heart, will pay some day and crave the love you threw away," I was reunited with my brother who I had not seen in 52 years.  He smiled his lopsided grin and I was filled with a joy I had not felt since he had left all those years ago.  Many times I had stood at his grave, but I had never felt his presence.

As the song ended I heard his thoughts.  "Glad you finally made it.  I was beginning to wonder.  I know momma saw you.  She told me you were here.  She said you were looking good.  Wanna go fishing?  Bull Creek is right over there.  We could catch a bullfrog for Josephine!"  He laughed when he said that and I suddenly remembered our trip to Bull Creek on the Ailmore  place.

Jake and I had gone to Bull Creek just for fun and found a giant bullfrog.  He put it in my skirt and told me to run to the house and have Josephine get me a box to keep it in.  I ran home and since both hands were holding my skirt and I was afraid of it I started hollering outside the door.  Josephine opened the door and demanded to know what was in my skirt.  Being the obedient little girl and scared to death of Josephine I opened my skirt to show her.  At that precise moment the bull frog leapt into the house.  That started the biggest melee ever.  Josephine demanded I catch it and get it out of there.  It hopped under the bed with me right behind it and Josphine whacking me with the broom.  How long that circus went on I do not know, but the bullfrog finally hopped out the door and that was the last I seen of it and I ran down the road to escape Josephine and did not return until mother was there to save me.

We both dissolved in gales of laughter.  Then we looked around.  Josephine might be here and we sure did not want her to catch us laughing at her.  As Hank Williams ended his song and the announcer began introducing a new singer the car faded away as did my brother.  Hank Williams had always been my link to the past and even before I died, I still scrounged around and found Hank Williams somewhere.  He was timeless.

It was with a very heavy heart that I turned to go back to my mossy little room.  Sysnyck met me at the door and soon she and Charmin were both in my lap and I was dozing off for another of my naps. Naps seemed to be the one given here in this place and since time had no meaning, that was a good thing.

#4 Signs of life! rerun

I must have dozed off because I found myself waking up from something and it almost had to be a nap.  I glanced around the little mossy room (for want of a better word) that I was in to discern what might have woke me up, had I indeed been asleep.  I did not see anything untoward, but something was different.  I had the distinct feeling that I was not alone.  A slow examination did not turn up another person.  Then it dawned on me!  Of course I would not see a person.  I was a warm glow so if there were someone else in my space they would, of course, be a warm glow also.  With this in mind, I once more inspected my area paying strict attention to detail.  It was then that I noticed a small depression across the area from where I stood.  Well, it wasn't so much  a depression as a sort of shadow, but not a darker shadow.  It was much lighter.  While I could not see my warm glow self, I judged it to be much smaller than me.

Since I was getting pretty good at the floating now, I slowly drifted until I hovered almost level with the whatever it was on the floor of my mossy room.  I reached out with what I thought to be my hand and was overcome with a feeling of having been there and done that before.  I looked deep within myself and I felt my Sysncyk.  Sysnyck was a dog I had many years ago. She was a little poodle/Chihuahua mix.  She had died of kidney failure 25 years before and I had mourned her for years.  I knew she was with me at this moment.  I knew when I found her that Charmin, the calico cat was beside her.  I felt like I was coming home.  They had waited all these years to welcome me to this place.  I had read the poem about the Rainbow Bridge many times and taken great comfort knowing that my pets would wait there for me.  I could see them as clear as day.  Somehow I knew that this was all in my mind, because they did not exist in the bodies that they had before and I knew I did not either.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I could see those two little animals in all their glory.  This was so damn cool!

I began to get excited thinking about all I would soon behold.  It was just a matter of  figuring out how to get around in this new world of mine.  I lay back against something and I could feel the little bodies settling on either side of me.  Some how I knew that it would all be fine.  And it seemed right that I find my animals first because they were devoted to me and had waited so patiently all those years.  I knew mother was in my future as were my siblings, and grandma and great grandma.  And Kenny.  And Duane.  And Sherman.  And no doubt many others that I had forgotten, but I had the rest of eternity to find them.  No hurry.

The one I was most anxious to see was the one called Jesus.  I needed answers from him.  I needed to get this judging thing out in the open so I knew which way I was going.  It was the wondering that had me anxious now.

But right now I could feel another nap coming on!