Once more the thought of a walk intrigued me. The last one had taken me to the Rainbow Bridge. This time I wanted to just see the lay of the land and kind of explore. It was amazing that if I were in the land of the living, I would be faunching at the bit to have lunch with one of my friends, solitude did not seem to bother me at all in this place, what ever it was. It could not be heaven, because there were no angels. And since I had never seen heaven, how did I know it wasn't heaven. Best not to think too much.
Since I had gone forward the last time I decided to go to my right this time. I walked (floated) up a gentle incline and then down the other side. I came upon a house and was surprised to find it was a replica of my house on 5th Street in Hutchinson. Why that place had been bulldozed years ago. The last time I drove out 5th most of the houses were gone. Hmm.
I entered the house and was surprised to find it the same as it had been when I worked at the Red Carpet! Oh! There was that doll house that Gib and I had put together right after I had moved into the house. The first Christmas. No tree, so it must be past Christmas. I peeked in the bedroom and there were the bunk beds. Patty and Dona were asleep all wrapped up in each other. Debbie was on the top bunk and Sam on the other bottom bunk. One was empty. That was because Patty and Dona always slept together. Dona had her piece of one of my slips in her hand and was sucking on her thumb. She sucked her thumb and Patty twisted her own hair. That is how they slept. I could brush Patty's hair and she would fall asleep. Silly little girl.
I realized that I was in the past! If I could stay in the past, I could change the things that had happened! It was surreal to be here and yet not be here. I wanted to touch my babies. But what could I touch them with? I was not real. They were not real and yet they were the exact same as I remembered them. I hurried to the back window. The old black Ford was there. The one with the floor board rusted out on the drivers side. OMG! I realized I was pregnant! Susie was still in my stomach. My heart wrenched as I stood in my past and knew it was all beyond my control. It was overwhelming and I needed the security of my room. In a perfect world I would have still been in Garden City with my husband, but the world is not perfect and I am not in it any more.
I opened the back door and stepped outside. I heard music and knew it was coming from down the street where Crow Bar was located. I turned back to the house, but it was gone. I walked down to the bar, opened the door and went in. There he set with Jake. A blonde haired stranger. Beautiful blue eyes.
"Hey, Louella! over here. I have someone I want you to meet. This is Duane Seeger. He works for the Tree Service man." And my life was never the same. We were married 3 weeks later. Five kids later, a divorce, both remarried, years later and it all was like yesterday. And then I was on the knoll and then in my mossy little room. In my room I did not have to think. I did not have to remember. I could just be.
I knew if I left the room and went forward I come to the Rainbow Bridge. If I went to my right, I went into the past. Which way had I gone to see Bret? I hadn't. I had just thought, so if I wanted to see the future, I thought about them and I was in their present. Where was the future? I am apparently existing on 3 different levels, past, present and future. It was more than my little mind could comprehend, so I did what I do best...I fell asleep.
s
Since I had gone forward the last time I decided to go to my right this time. I walked (floated) up a gentle incline and then down the other side. I came upon a house and was surprised to find it was a replica of my house on 5th Street in Hutchinson. Why that place had been bulldozed years ago. The last time I drove out 5th most of the houses were gone. Hmm.
I entered the house and was surprised to find it the same as it had been when I worked at the Red Carpet! Oh! There was that doll house that Gib and I had put together right after I had moved into the house. The first Christmas. No tree, so it must be past Christmas. I peeked in the bedroom and there were the bunk beds. Patty and Dona were asleep all wrapped up in each other. Debbie was on the top bunk and Sam on the other bottom bunk. One was empty. That was because Patty and Dona always slept together. Dona had her piece of one of my slips in her hand and was sucking on her thumb. She sucked her thumb and Patty twisted her own hair. That is how they slept. I could brush Patty's hair and she would fall asleep. Silly little girl.
I realized that I was in the past! If I could stay in the past, I could change the things that had happened! It was surreal to be here and yet not be here. I wanted to touch my babies. But what could I touch them with? I was not real. They were not real and yet they were the exact same as I remembered them. I hurried to the back window. The old black Ford was there. The one with the floor board rusted out on the drivers side. OMG! I realized I was pregnant! Susie was still in my stomach. My heart wrenched as I stood in my past and knew it was all beyond my control. It was overwhelming and I needed the security of my room. In a perfect world I would have still been in Garden City with my husband, but the world is not perfect and I am not in it any more.
I opened the back door and stepped outside. I heard music and knew it was coming from down the street where Crow Bar was located. I turned back to the house, but it was gone. I walked down to the bar, opened the door and went in. There he set with Jake. A blonde haired stranger. Beautiful blue eyes.
"Hey, Louella! over here. I have someone I want you to meet. This is Duane Seeger. He works for the Tree Service man." And my life was never the same. We were married 3 weeks later. Five kids later, a divorce, both remarried, years later and it all was like yesterday. And then I was on the knoll and then in my mossy little room. In my room I did not have to think. I did not have to remember. I could just be.
I knew if I left the room and went forward I come to the Rainbow Bridge. If I went to my right, I went into the past. Which way had I gone to see Bret? I hadn't. I had just thought, so if I wanted to see the future, I thought about them and I was in their present. Where was the future? I am apparently existing on 3 different levels, past, present and future. It was more than my little mind could comprehend, so I did what I do best...I fell asleep.
s
Darn it. I had a comment ready to copy and then post but for some stupid hit the sign out button first. Lucky it was not very long. I said ... yes, sometimes it's better not to think too much and just go to sleep. I've been getting a bit confused as I read installments out of order but I know eventually all the puzzle pieces will come together. Now I'm going to go to the home page and find more. Sweet dreams dear heart. 💗
ReplyDelete